EEN GOED BEGIN van 31-12-1997

«ouder | nieuwer»

Zo aan het einde van het jaar nog FF een extra grote
GOED BEGIN. Met hierin DE "vertaling" van de Macarena.
en het "ware" verhaal over de smurfen.
Voor alle lezers een funny nieuw jaar toegewenst.

L.A. / Dr. Lee

******************************
A young woman was preparing for her wedding.

She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and
carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle. Well, Mom forgot
until the last minute. So she dashed out and could only find a short pink
nighty. She bought it and threw it into the suitcase.

After the wedding the bride and groom enter their hotel room. The groom was
a little self conscious so he asked his new bride to change in the bathroom
and promise not to peek while he got ready for bed.

While she was in the bathroom she opened her suitcase and saw the negligee
her mother had thrown in there. She exclaimed "Oh no, it's
short, pink and wrinkled!"

Then her groom cried out "I told you not to peek!"
******************************
A little old couple in their eighties was sitting on the couch
watching the Playboy movie channel. He looked at her and
asked, "Do you think we can still do that?"
"Well, we can sure try!" she answered. So they shuffled off
to the bedroom. He went into the bathroom to get ready and
she took off all her clothes in the bedroom. When he came
out of the bathroom, he saw her standing on her head in the
middle of the bedroom floor.
"What are you doing, sweetheart?" he asked.
"Well," she replied, "I thought if you couldn't get it up, maybe
you could just drop it in!
******************************
It had promised to be a sensational divorce case, with the
Yuppette accused of incredible escapades. Testifying before
her own attorney, she projected an image of sweet innocence,
and told a tale of wifely fidelity and sacrifice, and was quite
believable.
When it was time for cross-examination though, the husband's
lawyer said, "Isn't it true on the night of June 12th, in a driving
rainstorm, you had sexual intercourse with a certain circus
midget on the handle bars of a careening motorcycle that
passed through Columbia at speeds in excess of seventy-five
miles per hour?"
The Yuppette turned pale, but retained her remarkable self-
control and composure. Her voice was almost serene in its
innocence as she asked, "What was that date again?"
******************************
Late one night a woman was walking home when a man grabbed her and dragged
her into the bushes.
"Help me! Help me!" she screamed. "I'm being robbed!"
"You ain't being robbed, slut!" her attacker interrupted. "You're being
screwed!"
The woman looked down at her attacker as he unzipped his jeans.
"If you're screwing me with that," she fumed, "I am being robbed!"
******************************
Macarena Translated

Bale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa
buena Bale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena Ehhh, Macarena!

(Dance to shitty music stupid Americans! You are so stupid that you think
this shitty music is good. Dance to shitty music stupid
Americans. Heeeyyy, stupid Americans!)

Macarena tiene un novio que se llama Que se llama de apellido Vitorino Y en
la jura de bandera del muchacho Se la dio con dos amigos

(Stupid Americans will have sex with a llama. You dance like a llama to
this idiotic song! While you're busy your girl will go at it with our
friends. My buddies will be with her in the bathroom)

Que le gusta la movida guerrilera Macarena suean con el Corte Ingles Y se
compra los mnodelos mas modernos Le gustaria viva on Nueva York

(You fat gorillas like shitty music. Stupid Americans paid sixteen dollars
for this song. You can't tell your asses from your faces. We'd rather be back
in Puerto Rico, but the welfare is better in NYC!)
******************************
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of
Six" in spite of her objections.

One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go
home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"

His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion shouts back...

"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
******************************
THE TRUTH ABOUT THE SMURFS.

It's time to tell the truth about Smurfs.

You see, Smurfs are a lot like other folks; they have dreams and ambitions,
deep, thoughtful conversations with each other, and good and bad times.

"But," people ask, "do Smurfs have..... you know,......*sex*?"

The answer is an emphatic and resounding YES!

And why shouldn't they? They're people, too.

What *most* people don't know is why Smurfs are blue. Well, the reason
is because Smurfs only have sex once a year.

Face it: if you had sex only once a year, you'd be blue, too.

Once a year, in the Smurf village, flags and banners fly happily in the
breeze, proclaiming that the day of the annual Smuckfest has
arrived. Birds sing and the Sun comes out to watch, despite the
weatherSmurf's direst predictions.

I guess good ol' Mr. Sun is a voyeur.

In the middle of town, Mr. Smurf gives a brief speech explaining the origin
of the Smuckfest; how Dr. C. Everett Koop came to the village and warned all
the Smurfs about AIDS. Mr. Smurf knew that no one made condoms small
enough for a Smurf (even though everyone knows that all male Smurfs are
uniformly well-hung, for their size), so he decreed that all Smurfs would
only smuck one day a year.

"Smucking one day a year will help us identify any diseases we may transmit
to one another, and keep them from spreading to the animals in the forest,"
declaimed Mr. Smurf. "Besides, it will give Smurfette a chance to rest."

Yes! Smurfette must rest. For, as everyone knows, Smurfette is the only
female Smurf in the village, and after a full day of having vigorous, rabid
sex with two hundred cunt-crazed little blue men, she needs a
break.

So, on the appointed day, Mr. Smurf bids everyone throw their inhibitions
to the wind and immerse themselves in debauchery. And, as is his privilege,
Mr. Smurf throws out the first throe.

At his signal, Smurfette unties the skintight blue band she must use to
suppress her natural bustiness, and her astounding tits spring forth into
the daylight. The Sun gleams lecherously on the smooth, blue flesh, nipples
crinkling in the light of day from her soon-to-be-unbridled lust.

Then Smurfette shimmies out of her skirt and stands before the crowd, naked
as the day she was born, save the spike-heeled white boots she has donned
just for the occasion. Her long, blonde hair cascades down her back and
lasciviously outlines her buttocks, clinging like a dirty old man's gaze to
each curve and dimple.

Her cunt winks lewdly from behind the golden shield of pubic glory, already
glistening in mad anticipation of each and every raging rod it would receive
that day. And receive them gladly it would, for hers is the indefatigable
furburger, and she hungered for the sauce blended in the heat
of passion.

Smurfette turns to Mr. Smurf and lifts her stupendous breasts with their
turgid nipples to his lips. He takes each one, in turn, into his mouth,
where his tongue dances the Fabulous Fandango around the
areolae, as Smurfette moans like a cat in heat.

Then, when poor Smurfette can take no more, Mr. Smurf drops to his bony
little knees and sprinkles his magic deSmurfilating dust on Smurfette's
engorged cunt lips. Presto! The lovely blonde braiding material falls from
her, leaving her shaved smooth as a hard-boiled egg.

"Oh, Mr. Smurf!" she cries. "Encore!! Encore!!", as she writhes in
anticipation of the Fabulous Furless Fandango danced 'round her pulsating
pussy.

Mr. Smurf does not disappoint the damsel in distress; he slides his hands
under her tight little blue ass and parts her moistness with his thumbs. As
the hot, funky juices begin to run down his arms, he plunges tongue-first
and tonsil-deep into her wiggling womanhood. Smurfette gasps as the
talented tongue begins to do its magic, and her cunt clutches at it like a
baby bird after a worm.

Cradling his head to her crotch, Smurfette's hips begin to slowly grind and
twitch, for Mr. Smurf's tongue has unerringly found her S-spot, and
Smurfette begins the slow, hot, agonizing rise to ecstasy. "Oh, make me
smurf, baby, make me smurf!", she pants, each stroke of his tongue causing
her to throb and clutch.

As Smurfette's moans and cries rise in pitch higher and higher, the crowd
gazes in amazement at the mighty mound of meat struggling to escape from
Mr. Smurf's pants. This, then, is the legendary Trouser Titan, bulging
forth in a determined attempt to split the barrier.

Just when Smurfette is certain that she will die from sheer sensory overload,
Mr. Smurf flings off his Levis and frees the Magnificent Heat-Seeking
Moisture Missle from its cradle. Maddened with blind lust, Smurfette hurls Mr.
Smurf to the platform and leaps shrieking into the air, landing unerringly on
his Titanic Totem.

Suddenly filled, Smurfette's cunt explodes in a monster orgasm, the force of
which propels her screaming into the air again and again, each time
plummeting her onto the Potent Purple Pecker andtriggering another climax.

Before Smurfette can achieve orbit, Mr. Smurf grab her legs and pulls her
to the ground. Swiftly, he stands, pulling her to her knees. Gasping in
awe, Smurfette gets a head-on view of his hard-on, glistening in the light
like a war staff.

The sight of this shining stud is too much for Smurfette, who immediately
grabs both of Mr. smurf's bulging balls in her hands and pulls him to her
waiting mouth. With preternatural skill and primeval hunger, Smurfette
devours the monster cock, licking and sucking like a starving child with an
ice cream cone.

His ass knotting like a sailor's anchor rope, Mr. Smurf pounds into
Smurfette's mouth with furious strokes. As he reaches his blazing climax, he
forces Smurfette to take all thirteen and 7/8ths inches of blue tube steak and
fires round after pulsing round of blue goo down her ravenous throat.

"Hurray!!", shouts the crowd. "Now it's OUR turn!!"

Suddenly the town square erupts with scenes of azure carnality, as 200 tiny
blue asses appear in the sunlight. 200 raging cocks swarm toward Smurfette's
waiting and ever-willing cunt, ready to make her scream for mercy as they
scream for more. 400 bouncing balls follow each other toward the nearest
available orifice, making Smurfette wish there were more of her.

Those lucky enough to find access to Smurfette's fabulous form begin their
crazed humping, as others find their schlongs being stroked as fast as she
can grab. Those whose time will come later are coming now, as their friends
clutch lustily at their forbidden fruits, flinging frothy fuck-foam far and
wide.

Up the ass! Down the throat! Backhand, forehand, underhand, in the armpit
or behind the knee, the Smurfs erupt in a display of orgasmic prowess to
shame the most devoted student of the Kama Sutra. Soon the street become
hazardous to navigate (and navigate one must), as the square gets deeper and
deeper in the collective come.

Hour after hour, the orgy rampages on.

Gradually, as night falls, the screams of orgasmic ecstasy turn to the moans
and sighs of deep contentment, with the occasional whimper from an
over-enthusiastic sodomite. Soon all is quiet, as Smurf helps Smurf back to
Home and Preparation H. Tubes of Chap-Stick are quickly distributed to
soothe aching lips, and aloe gel is applied (as are lips, if it is too
stimulating) to the citizen's members to ease the burning.

As the exhausted (and completely sated) Smurfs lie in sexual stupor, gentle
rains come (not them, too!) to wash away all traces of the fleshfest that
was.

And you wondered why Smurfs are always in such a good mood...


«ouder | nieuwer»

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